Do you have a question to "Ask Carole".  Weddings, proms, or special occasions - if you have a question, ask us!

Dear Carole: For many years my mother has been living with a man who is not my father.  I am being married soon, and my mother wants this man to give me away. My own father is living, and I am very close to him. I don't dislike this man my mother lives with, but I love my father and I want him to give me away. Can you give me an answer?

You should insist that your father give you away and be properly seated in the second row behind your mother. If you father has remarried, his present wife may sit with him. 

Dear Carole: Is it still a rule that bridesmaids should still wear pastel colors in spring and summer, while jewel tones, darker colors and black are better suited to fall and winter months?

It was never a rule, simply the trend in more conservative, less sophisticated and practical times. Now, a bride who wants vibrant colors, deep hues,  all black, all white, or any combination thereof, may choose to do that any month of the year. By the same token, if she has her heart set on pastel for the dead of winter, it's her call.

Dear Carole: Why the blue garter?

We all know that something blue is lucky for the bride because of the old rhyme - "something borrowed and something blue" - tells us so. But why a blue garter? This seems to stem from the most noble Order of the Garter, the oldest order of knighthood in Europe. Its regalia includes a collar, a star and an actual blue velvet garter. Since queens and princesses are the only woman invested with the Order,  and a bride is " a queen for a day", she may enjoy royal prerogatives by wearing a blue garter below her left knee.  

Dear Carole: Is it necessary to have an equal number of ushers and bridesmaids?
Not always do good friends and honored relatives measure out equally between bride and groom. Every wedding procession can have its distinctive style. If there is one more usher than maids, for instance, perhaps one maid can precede a pair of ushers, or the ushers can both escort the maid, one on either side of her. Don’t compromise your wedding party selection for the sake of symmetry.

 
Dear Carole: Should a bridal shower be given by immediate family members? 
They should not be given by immediate family members. Bridal showers are usually given by the maid of honor and bridesmaids.
 

Dear Carole: What is the appropriate age and attire for a junior bridesmaid?
Girls between the ages of 9 and 14 are junior bridesmaids. Their dresses match those of the elder attendants with some modifications for pre-teen figures. The consultant at the bridal shop should help the bride coordinate their dresses with the others.

 
Dear Carole: Must sisters and/or sister-in-law of the groom be bridesmaids if the bride has little or no contact with them and has to exclude close friends to include them as attendants?
Certainly not. Reserved, up-front seating and a corsage (optional) for those relatives is sufficient in such circumstances.
 

Dear Carole: Help - I am concerned that my ex-boyfriend is going to show up uninvited to my wedding and make a scene. What precautions should I take?
It does happen! The ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, ex-spouse, etc., may just decide to make an appearance. If you foresee such, ask a family member or close friend to be on alert. If they do not know him, show them a picture of the person you are worried about. Hopefully, your “ex” will be recognized and turned away before entering the church. Should he get through and head to a pew, do not give him the attention he is probably seeking. When the ceremony is over, he can be quietly shown to the door.

 
Dear Carole: My father is in the armed forces and, together with my mother, is issuing the wedding invitations. What rules apply with regard to my father’s title? 
If your father is an officer and issues the wedding invitation with his wife (your mother), his military title precedes his name, but there is no line denoting his branch of service, ie. Admiral and Mrs. Peter Koehn

 
Dear Carole: We are traveling to Hawaii for our wedding this winter and it will be attended by only immediate family but we want to issue announcements to friends and relatives. Can you please tell me what is proper procedure? 
Congratulations - that sounds wonderful! Announcements should be mailed as soon as possible after the wedding, by the bride’s parents from the city in which they reside. Announcements are never sent to any person invited to the wedding ( even if they were not able to attend).
The wording of announcements must include (1) the day, (2) the date, (3) the year, (4) the city, and (5) the province or state. An announcement may include the name of the church or other specific address of the ceremony, but in your case, if a civil ceremony was performed, only the city and state are included. Announcements are issued in the name of the brides’s parents or proper variation, according to circumstance – exactly as for invitations. Choices for the second line of a wedding announcement amy include: “announce the marriage of their daughter”, “have the honor of announcing the marriage of their daughter”, or “have the honor to announce the marriage of their daughter”.

 
Dear Carole: I have chosen my bridesmaids and now I have a couple of questions with regard to their dresses: do I take with me to select the bridesmaids' dresses? 
It’s best to limit this to one or two of the attendants. Perhaps you could get together over brunch to look at dresses pictured in bridal magazines. That way you can show them what you have in mind and hear what they think about your plans. Bear in mind that the attendants pay for their dresses so a price range should be discussed so there are no misunderstanding about the cost. While you should be considerate of the attendant’s opinions regarding the choice of their dresses, the ultimate decision on what they wear is yours.

 
Dear Carole: How much time is necessary to order bridesmaids’ dresses?
To ensure they arrive in-time for the wedding, the order should be placed by the store no less than six months before the wedding. The bridal consultant will measure the attendants to determine the closest size to fit. If some bridesmaids require special sizing (extra large or additional length), that will be noted in the order and the consultant should tell the bride what extra charges will be required. When the dresses arrive at the store, the attendants will be notified to come in for fittings. There is usually a charge for alterations, so be sure everyone is aware of that.

 
Dear Carole: How can bridesmaids who live out of town be fitted properly for their dresses?
The consultant at the bridal shop can tell you the precise measurements she needs to order dresses to the closest size.   There are two alternatives to the final fitting. You may ask the bridal retailer to send the dresses directly to each bridesmaid to have alterations done where they live; or you cam ask the bridal salon if they can accommodate a fitting when the attendants arrive a day or two before the wedding.

 
Dear Carole: Who pays for the bridesmaids’ accessories?
In addition to paying for her dress, a bridesmaid should also expect to handle the cost of the shoes, hose, gloves, headpieces and any special undergarment that may be necessary. Accessories, depending on how many are needed, add considerably to the total cost of a bridesmaids’ attire. (Bridesmaids always appreciate it when a bride offers to pay for some or all the accessories. If a bride prefers her attendants to wear a special type of earring and/or necklace, she often gives that to them as her gift.)